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Joy Ride. They SAY kiddie rides are a blast from the past that bring back fond, childhood memories. The Twin Engine outboard boat is safe, entertaining, and enjoyable. One quarter buys sixty seconds of pure, youthful bliss. We SAY Hey, where the hell do we install the test gear? The ergonomics aren't quite right for a 6'2" 230-pounder. Not only is the wheel touching my inner thighs, but the reach to the coin slot is awkward from the helm. Luckily. I figured out a way to rig the coin mechanism for free play. That way you're guaran-damn-teed never to have to share with anyone ever again. Although the boat and base are marine-quality fiberglass, steel framing and a machine-grade electric motor are used for reliability and durability, which may result in buoyancy issues (read: it won't float). Our test boat sported standard airbrushing, but according to Damon Carson, president of Kiddie Rides USA, a custom paint job is no problem. In fact, if you yearn for a one-of-a-kind mini-replica of your boat, Kiddie Rides will try to build it. The 2" to 4" inches of travel motion on this thrill ride isn't much like bay chop, but oh, sweet mama this thing is fun. Who'd Want One? Anyone trying to legally pilfer lunch money from schoolchildren. The rides used to be just for kids, but Carson says he's sold 'em as home decor, personal gifts, and collector's items. Another Chocie: Guidecraft Retro Rocker Boat ($219: www.dynadirect.com) is a retro wooden boat rocker made from maple and birch with a nontoxic finish. But you, lazy rider, will have to exert your own energy to get the thing to rock. The Numbers: $2,995. Contact Kiddie Rides USA, 800/448-6888, www.kiddieridesusa.com
