It's been a long day on your boat and you didn't use enough sunscreen. After hours of wind, salt, and sun, your face looks and feels like a slab of raw meat. Ouch. So what do you do now, tough guy? Lucky for you, what the sea takes away it can also give back. And lucky for you, I'm confident enough in my manhood to test some born-of-the-sea cosmetic goop that claims to repair any weather-damaged skin - even yours.
PRODUCT: Aquatonale Super Moisturizing Marine Cream FROM THE SEA: Chitosan - from the exoskeleton of crustaceans, it helps restore cells and hydrate the skin. TEST: The smell of it reminded me of an ex-girlfriend, plus it's white and looks like acne cream. Recollections of teen angst abound. But after a week of nightly use, my dry, sunburnt face started to rejuvenate. I must admit, I was impressed. Price: $40 for 1.75 ounces. Contact Dumont Plaza Parfumerie at 800/395-8065.
PRODUCT: H2O Plus Hydrating Marine Moisture Mask FROM THE SEA: Sea lettuce, sea fennel - both have vitamins that help the skin reproduce collagen and elastin, essential for firmness and elasticity. TEST: Unless you're planning on a career as the Green Lantern's stunt double, don't walk the streets with this stuff on your face. It takes no time to paint on, but if you have a beard it may never come off - I'm still finding leftover green pebbles. Did it work? Although it felt like I was sporting a layer of protective cellophane, it did smooth and moisturize. Price: $24 for 4 ounces. Contact H20 at 800/242-2284, www.h2oplus.com.
PRODUCT: Juvena Skinmarine Ultra Hydration Cream-Gel FROM THE SEA: Sea kelp, sea algae - both supply moisture to the epidermis. For those of you who slept in during bio 101, the epidermis is the outer layer of the skin. TEST: It's also green, which reminded me of another ex-girlfriend (long story). The box said it sported a "time-release system." I didn't have a clue what that meant, so I slathered it on and let it do its magic. It worked almost immediately. I wasn't thrilled with the scent, but by day's end my skin was silky smooth. Price: $39 for 1.75 ounces. Contact Sephora at 877/973-7467, www.sephora.com.
PRODUCT: Osea Sea Plasma FROM THE SEA: Purified Hawaiian seaweed - helps the skin both take in and retain moisture. There's also an anti-inflammatory property to prevent breakouts. TEST: My cologne doesn't smell as nice as this spritz-on moisturizer. Sea Plasma cooled and refreshed my skin after a long day in the sun. Price: $20 for 4 ounces. Contact Osea at 800/576-6732, www.oseaskin.com.