Giant Omelette Celebration Abbeville, LA 337/893-0013, www.giantomelette.org Dock along Vermilion Bay at Bayview Marina, loosen your belt, and get ready for a feast. Five thousand eggs, 50 pounds of onions, 52 pounds of butter, 2 gallons of parsley, 6½ gallons of milk, 3 boxes of salt, and 2 boxes of pepper all get mixed, poured, and fried in a celebration recognizing Abbeville's French heritage. Each year, chefs from surrounding cities join together to prepare the Cajun-style omelets, which hungry spectators then get to gorge on.
Mermaid Parade Coney Island, Brooklyn, NY 718/372-5159, www.coneyislandusa.com Stop by the Marine Basin Marina and check out all the jaw-dropping, eye-popping eccentricities that Coney Island has to offer. The first Saturday after the summer solstice, mermaids, mermen, merbabies, and even merpets stroll down the boardwalk in this annual parade. Prepare to see some interesting costumes. One woman created a top out of artfully placed rubber lobsters. While you're there, check out Coney Island's 6'-tall bearded lady.
World Grits Festival St. George, SC 843/563-7943, www.worldgritsfestival.org Every April, 50,000 people attend this festival, which includes corn-shucking and grits-eating contests, as well as the crowning of Miss Grits. Grits enthusiasts can also participate in the Rolling-in-the-Grits Competition where they (willingly) roll for 10 seconds in a vat of grits, hoping to emerge with as many pounds of grits stuck to their body as possible. Dock in neighboring Vance at the Marker 79 Marina.
Milk Carton Derby Seattle, WA 206/728-0123, www.seafair.com While tying up at the Bell Harbor Marina in July, be sure to steer clear of the semi-seaworthy milk carton boats racing past you. Built from at least 50 half-gallon cartons, each human-powered craft races across 1,200 feet of water, many sinking in the process to the cheers of onlookers.
National Wife Carrying Championships Bethel, ME 207/824-3000 It's not often you hear a man complaining that his wife weighs too little…until now. Dock your boat at Kezar Lake Marina and come watch a slew of husbands run 278 yards uphill, wade through a water trough, and jump over multiple obstacles, all while carrying their wives on their backs. The victor receives five times his wife's weight in cash, plus her weight in beer! How's that for incentive?
Twins Days Twinsburg, OH 330/425-3652, www.twinsdays.org No, you didn't drink too much, you really are seeing double! Every August, in the world's largest gathering of its kind, more than 3,000 sets of twins, triplets, quads, and…well, you get the idea…march in the Double Take Parade. Participants also compete in a variety of contests, ranging from the oldest and youngest set of mulitples to the closest and least look-alikes. Stay at nearby Cleveland's Commodore's Club Marina.
Go-Nuts Testicle Festival York, MT 406/475-9949 In May it's time to head for Kim's Marina & Resort on Canyon Ferry Lake. From there it's a short trip into York, and we recommend you use the time to prepare yourself. After all, you're going to be surrounded by testicles. Join locals as they pay homage to the bull's no-nonsense area by marinating "rocky mountain oysters" in beer, breading them, and frying them. Then avert your eyes as some partiers paint their own with fluorescent colors. Okay, you've been warned. A